FUCK'em

I'm lonley. okay.

loved you more

Mary kate's outfit is pretty saweet in this picture. Oh and I'd like a boyfriend. Mhmm. Waiting...

Getting used to mah new hair. I'd like a boyfriend. :( that is all.

And you closed the door, on so many men, who could have loved you more.

glancing back

about to get some sleep, but I started thinking about summer. I love now. But I also LOVED then...music basically sums up my memories and anything i love in general. here are some new and old shots and some lyrics that got me remembering...

lights OUT

Summer, I painted a scene that lit the stars for me. Said, "I can erase it for you dear." That summer created those words that came to life in three. They were denied by you. Summer I laid down below a glitter-adorned night and silently sparkled my own way. Summer I laid down by you and shared my frail light. You gave the dark to me.

current mood?

Not sure how I'm feeling...okay I guess. Better get some shut eye before I feel otherwise? Hopefully this faint uneasy feeling in my stomach (and thoughts) is just from being over-tired. Alright, beautyyyyy sleep before I read into my mood any further. =/

MUST stay chipper, its been so nice this past week or two...

Night Night

maybe YOU'RE the one that's over-rated...

How delightful. It's surprisingly been a decent valentine's day!!! why be extra upset about being single on just one day....it's a shame all the timeeee. But ehhh, its been pretty good.

TODAY

Re-dyed mah hair this morningggg..im a bit more of a blonde which is nice. I had my medium hazelnut iced coffee light and sweeeeet, new colored hair and espanol candy hearts all morning. It was nice. I then spent the afternoon at my friends certainly taking my time to leave for work...hehhe. I then stole some pink spiders musica from him. They ar eprett sweet ive comje to find.

THENoff to pick up checks...I got a decent amount of moneyyy from work which was niceee. Money in my bag, I decided it was valentines day and that i deserved a present. Beautiful weather enveloped me as i strolled to visit another one of my best friends at work! I bought myself a valentines day present, gold brass knuckles ring AND was really happy.

THEN

I decided to skip work, being the badass i am haaa. I set off, determined to have a spontanious fun valentines day afternoon. I drove to a country club on the water. I found a bench far from any people in sight, just the sun, chilled air, water, sand, and grassy area the bench sat :) I read my "love sick" book, so very tranquil...i pondered love and what of it I feel I've experienced so soon in life. ahhhhh thinking how much i love ittt. This moment sitting looking out at the water was PERFECT. I left as it began to get cold and a couple sat near by so i felt less alone which i hadnt minded...

off i went...just driving....I've never done that before but I just left this longshore country club and just started driving in a direction I felt right. I listened to the pink spiders and drove past a beautiful field where the lighting was gold as the sun was setting slowly. The grass in the field glowed in a beautiful way only described as magical. I found myself driving along southport shore line...cute little private beach after private beach. One area was soo thickly populated with trees and then all of a sudden I drove out to find a vast beach with a couple out on a docking kissing in the distance. This didnt depress me though, I just sighed and smiled, appreciating the beauty in the simplicity of this lovely image. I passed beach after beach but the sun was nearing the end of the day.

I ran in, grabbed a pack of ciggs...yeah, im stupid hahah. I drove to the beach in my town, sat on a bench...not a person in sight. I lit, sighed, and admired the setting sun. You'd think I would have been sad, alone, or lonley...but I wasn't....it was great!!! I was observing this beautiful sunset, the weather not too cold...smoking my first full cigg...and I felt soooo at peace and fine with everything. Sure I thought a lot about how nice it would be to have someone to share these beautiful places with...but eventually I'll find someone to....I'm sure of it. I drove home to one of my favorites, AFI :)

I got a little less thrilled being home.....now thinking more and more abbut the lonley factor. I grabbed my cherry garcia...put in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind..and cried for a little few brief moments at the end of the movie. WHAT A GREAT MOVIE!!! i loveee it. I was a bit sad at the end, until my friend called with a valentines day gift for me, sol dout MORRISSEY tickets. yes, life is delightful. YESSSSSSSS. Valentine's day was completely saved. I cant wait!

love? love.

Valentines Day, tomorrow. actually in 33 minutes. SWEET. I'm reading a book called love sick. It describes love as a mental illness. ehhehehe. Blonder hair with a pack'a ciggs and a smoothie tomorrow. woot woot. i dont think i'll be that upset tomorrow which will be nice. why get EXTRA upset about being alone on ONE day when I can feel that just about any day. I realize more and more everyday its what you make of it, and why waste time that could be guarenteed happy? Wow, positive. so not like me. okay, some pictures to get every little one in the mood for the dear holiday tomorrow.

Listen up? sweetie.

Ivy was with Davey...he was madly in loveeeee with her. Then she left him for Ian. That is where so much of that wonderfully angry brilliant AFI music comes from. Their story is a tad more complicated than that but I find myself, with Valentines Day a mere two days away being fascinated in such depressing love stories.

Listen up sweetie.We all know that you're a beautiful girl in this horrible world :/

I'm now ready to go but mah own pack'a ciggs, re-dye my hair which is basically greyyyy, and find a young man to sweep me off my feet. Not so realistic, but eh, it'd be nice. Valentines Day will be alright, nothing too bad I don't think...
I thought I'd be having a whole LOT more trouble coming to terms with the approaching holiday but I seem fine which is a missed feeling for me. I've basically been SO depressed about some sort of twisted hopless love thing for so long that now that I feel okay with everything. I find it pointless and a waste of genuine depression and care to be upset about lack of returned love for one specific day, valentines day, when I've felt that way far longer previous to this day. mehehe. =/ shed a few healthy tears, but no reason for more. Then dyed hair, beautiful music, icecream and a cigg. sounds like a dandy day to me :D

I got a BEAUTIFUL guitar for my 18th! justt like jade's from FREEEEEAKIN afi. im lucky for such an amazing friend. i didnt deserve just a gift but eeeeeeee

For hair, im thinking blonder like Ivy Levan for now and then black at the end of the summer.

sleeptightttt my little freaks xP

I want to know what's going on in that pretty little head of yours

Is It Progression If a Cannibal Uses a Fork?

Really creepy, interesting, catchy, sexual, violent...just crayzaayyyy good song. Give a listen loves. It's quite well worth it.

i look sorta creepercreeper in mah picture but i had a ball editing of course...

loveheartbreak. mhmm.

Dying mah hair tuesday bleach blonde. chang efor the better i hope...

I think starting to try out diff colors will be cool, we'll see.

Trying to keep my head up best I can, get a grip on everything.

Ivy Levan I found online. She dated the singer of A.F.I. but then broke his heart and left him for someone else. Valentines Day...four days after my big 1-8. I don't have a Valentine, and as silly as it may be to wish for one, can I help it?? Perhaps I'll just do some good old mourning with a playlist of A.F.I. and room full of harvest candle, tears, cherry garcia, and a viewing of eternal sunshine of the spotless mind perhaps?? We shall see. No depression I can't control though, none of that. Just an expected danggggg its valentines day, my 18th valentines day. Good thing I'm so lucky with ALLLL this love I have for my friends and family. What the heck would I do without all these crazyssss. Ok, the time for sleep is now. Can't wait for my new hair....and someone to loveeee?? :(

smokey with mah newwww hair...pierced nose....hate to LOVELOVELOVE

YO.
blondeblonde hair...si?? no??
My good old 18th...hop skip and a jump away. SWEET. I need change, all for the better of course...
i'd like...(ehhh, don't judge)
my first pack of ciggggs
nose pierced with a ringggg
blondblondblonddd hair, a tad bit shorterrr
TATTOOS =) left foot hate, right foot love. they'll come off eventuallyyy
or none of the above at all its cool.
Love.
Speaking of love, FUCK love :D
yEEEEEaaah mah 18thsss on the 10th, but only followed by the lovey-dovey 14th. BITCHES. dont get me wrong, I have a lot of love to go around. My friends, family, and life ingeneral. But isnt it soooo true we tend to think of the conspiracy of v-day as a romantic one to spend with your loveeee??
fffuufufufufufuckkk. or something.
eh, love and hate on the feet for v-day?? that'd be pretty cool
smokin a pack??? COOL but not ahhaha. its cool
ighttt peace dolllssss

ah, simply good

Tonight is simply good and i cant say i mind. I'm at PEACE
a bit of questioning, but nothing beyond expected
mehh, ummmmm its all good.